if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
