11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
