Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize