Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
