Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
