Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize