Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize