So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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