I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
