All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize