dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
