I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
