I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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