You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This baby is an asshole
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
