I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
