the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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