Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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