Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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