I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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