i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
