He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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