and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish they made helmets for livers.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
