what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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