Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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