I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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