Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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