Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
