I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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