Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
