Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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