Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
