You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
