There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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