yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize