I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
