My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
