If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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