I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
