Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
