I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
