Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize