is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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