oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
