She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
