I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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