Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
