Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
