i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
