I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
