Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
a search helicopter?!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
