Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
