dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
