You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
