Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
