Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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