i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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