take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize