I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize