So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize