Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
