He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
