She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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