he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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