Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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