kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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