I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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