my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
