I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
