Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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