What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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