Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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