We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
