I'm lost and stupid without you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
