ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
