He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
