think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
