careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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