Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
