u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
