apparently the secret to your success is patron
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
