Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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