Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
