It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
