Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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