Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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