**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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