I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
