Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
