So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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