still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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