I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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