I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
