ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
