Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
