Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
