can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize