i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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