It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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