yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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