Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
