I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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