if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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