I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
