Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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