Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
