Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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