she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
