Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
