smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
