eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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