"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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