You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
